Quake Champions review

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Quake Champions review

Unread post by 3ICE »

(This review contains exactly 1337 words.)
Bethesda account required to play!? We can't even try the game in a single player demo map first…
Tried it offline, game refuses to do anything. Online-only POS. Doomed to extinction as soon as Bethesda pulls the plug on the central server. I'll eagerly await the next episode of Dead Game news (by Ross Scott of Freeman's Mind fame.) As it is sure to feature Quake Champions going extinct (unplayable) sometime this year.
Intro movie was laggy and then there was a loading screen. I thought you'd already loaded during the intro (hence the lag), but no… It was just a laggy video player is all. Why do you not load the game during the cinematic!? It was long enough!

"You need to have used this product for at least 5 minutes before posting a review for it (3 minutes on record)." lol Fine I guess I'll listen to the main menu music for two more minutes then. I sure as hell am not creating yet another account for a soon to be dead game anyway.
Edit 2:
The music is good. Shame it's not downloadable. Not that I buy video game music. But some people do. Decided to enter an email address. "Password later" But when? They sent no confirmation email. Anyway it makes registration easier, so it's good.
Edit 3:
Four license agreements to be accepted… Then the Basic Training was shoved in my face before I could access settings. I desperately need to lower graphics…
Loading is taking forever…
FPS counter does NOT show up in training. Am I supposed to throw a live game, while I'm adjusting my settings for stable 60 FPS? First match is going to be a loss guaranteed.
While learning the ultimate ability, F, it should not have such long 24s cooldown. I messed up several times. Help text was gone too soon and all it says now is "pick up the powerup". Yeah… How? (Trick was to press F again) Wasted a couple minutes standing around. Suicide did not reset it either.
Training ended before I could defeat the scalebearer (sp?). What was that "pick up scattered items in the arena to defeat whatshisname" objective even about? Not completable.
Woo, 4 backpacks just for logging in!? Pay2Win game I smell your stench!
There's a tiny exclamation point in a triangle by the Champions button. It signifies some kind of importance to me, but the button it's on is not yet interactable. No tooltip on hover either. Forced tutorials suck.
Searching for match… This will take all day, won't it? And I clicked TDM vs BOTS. Not even full human v human teams.
I unplugged my internet for a second to test netcode. The game did not survive it:
Loading is taking forever… Music is starting to get old. My video card is burning hot. My screen is dying, screen tears and vertical black stripes. Gamma and sharpen settings are climbing super high by themselves.
At this point I've determined the game to be hung. Not responding to any usual exit commands (ESC, ALT+F4) either, except task manager's terminate.
Alt tabbing out of the game keeps my ALT key depressed by the way. Even though I released it immediately after TAB. Atypical behavior. Other games don't have this problem.
OK that's enough for me… 0 achievements.

Edit 4 — Tried again, later:
Launched with Controller plugged in this time, but game does not react at all. It' still: "CLICK to continue" Not responding to controller input.
I have 9 loot boxes, each with an unskippable animation. Each only containing a single junk item (shaders, really!?)
Already a duplicate item in my first five…
Two duplicates in first 6… No idea what happens with dupe items. No re-roll, no sell or breakdown or uncraft option, as far as I can see.
Trying to apply a weapon shader, 10×4 forever loading purple squares… 38 of which are probably locked. No sorting or filtering. Hunt for the one unlocked box… Once it finally finishes loading…
Let's play a game.
That fucked up "Uahh! I've been damaged" sound is awful and plays all the time. Who phoned it in? Is it from a porn?
I just won. Handy "Next match" countdown feature. Just enough time to watch my shiny lootbox animations play. (Stupid) But then "Next match in…" changes to "Searching for match…" WTF? Why not just start searching instantly then!? It takes hours to find something anyway.
So even though I completed (lost) one match last time, no achievement was awarded for it then. So instead I got two this time: Win match and complete match. I suppose it doesn't matter, everyone gets these two eventually anyway. No effort or skill required so none were invested into programming them to work properly the first time.
2v4 massacre was NOT fun or challenging by the way. I'd rather be autobalanced to the enemy team and lose with them, if it provides a closer, 3v3 game. And where are the bots who take over for leavers? And wasn't I playing humans vs bots anyway? Why do bots leave the game? Or is it Bots with Humans, not Bots vs humans?
Got my first chest. TWO whole items! Laughable. Right click does not go back I'm supposed to use that tiny back button in top left corner, seriously?
Stuck on "Launching server" After a mere two games… Third one won't launch. Time to go explore.
Video tutorials are streamed from YouTube, lol. Full screen button does not make video full screen, either. At least the 2x speed control works.
Oh, look server's down. Favorite error message. But at least it didn't crash the game this time like when I pulled the network cable manually. Just reconnected. Nice. I can search match again!
Edit 5:
Still playing, game's pretty fun. No I won't change my review to positive. First impressions matter. What if I decided not to stick around after seeing the mess at the start?
Lootbox opening experience figured out: ESC goes back and SPACE skips the obnoxious animation. Those 3 quest thingies are fun distractions. Mindlessly did 6 of them.
Even got an awesome ability kill. Blink into an enemy and melee them to death. Instant gib.
Changed my champion to one with a more tolerable "I'm hurt" sound.
Edit 6:
So those starting tasks were Daily challenges and eventually the tutorial ones run out, aww.
I'll focus on runes instead. 50 Rocket kills, and such.
First reliquary; 3 whole items. At this point I'm not even fazed by it.
Need a bunny hopping tutorial or whatever. Strafe-jumping makes my speed go way up, is that it?
How come all my weapons' right click is just "zoom in slightly"? No special shots or abilities? UT2000 had preloading multi-rockets, a plasma ball, etc.
Scoring that twitch perfect Impressive! Double whammy! with a rail gun sniper felt nice nonetheless. (Not my combat style, but it was the only gun I had.)
Got my first legendary (vanity item).
The game loads so slowly, play so many superfluous animations, and in general searching takes so long that I've actually accomplished several household chores just by getting up from my computer while it sluggishly clogs through the aforementioned slow things.
Interesting statistic: My "kills per minute" is not even 1.0 — I've been playing for 50 minutes and only have 37 lifetime frags. My K/D ratio of 0.6 probably places some of the blame for that on myself though. But the long time between matches is also a definite culprit.
Made it to level 5.
Edit 7 — Further gripes:
My name cannot be 3ICE. I had to put a letter first.
Cannot copy-paste into bug report in-game. Can do it outside though (via Crash dump sending utility.) Except it goes "Failed to send crash data"…
Lore codex rewards are meh. I can read it all on the wiki. Unlocked 1/140 in one hour. Drip fend content good for 140 hours of play?

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